dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
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Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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