wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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