I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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