I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
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He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
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I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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