maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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