i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So vagazzling was a success
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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