If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
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either way he was missing a nipple.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
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I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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