this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
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All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
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It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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