i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
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Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
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did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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