you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize