A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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