I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
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the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
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No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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