Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
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I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
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Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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