12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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