are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
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You. Win. At. Life.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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