my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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