GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
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IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize