thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
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that's what penises do
they tell lies.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize