Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
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is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
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I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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