I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize