im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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