And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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