I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
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I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
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How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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