get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize