I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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