So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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