Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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