Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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