why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
it's like iHOP with fire
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She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
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ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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