Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
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he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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