'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize