he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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