I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
where does the pee come out of this thing
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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