he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
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the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
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All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize