I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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