There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
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