take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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