wanna go halves on a baby?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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