Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
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it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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