so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
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I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
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The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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