How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize