so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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