He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
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Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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