Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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