Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
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I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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