I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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