that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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