my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize