During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
BRING THE BAGELS
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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