you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize