I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
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I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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