We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize