my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
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Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
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She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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